hello. i am tired and my appendix did not explode.

so i'm still trying to figure out where my stress related "mark" will appear (maybe something icky like a blue thing on my tongue or maybe something awesome like a moving tattoo on my forearm or maybe i'll die.)

let's talk rehearsals.

the first few rehearsals were all fun and games for the actors, i found this an excellent way of getting to know them and of identifying those who work really hard and those who don't. I was rather surprised to see some of the best actors slacking and found myself to be pleasantly surprised by those who worked hard. however there are some who try their best but when it comes to actual acting they seem to choke or maybe they just can't. with this i come to one of my first questions: how do you learn to act? can you learn to act? because in theatre (the course) we have yet to be taught HOW to act, what we do learn is the techniques and different ways of acting so that we become better, in fact, the course is not of acting, it's a theatre course it's learning everything you need to put on a solid play because since we're kids we're told not to turn our backs on the stage and talk loudly so that the audience can hear us, etc. we haven't been taught how to portray sadness or how to act as if, i don't know, our dog died. do you see where im going? so then i ponder about a director, hence my job this year, can he/she make an actor who isn't very good, act better? i think not, i think what must be done is directing the actor, working along with the actor so that from that collaboration a better performance can be achieved, a director doesn't carry an actor around, he directs them to the way, he shows them (justifying why sometimes when an actor doesn't seem to grasp what we as directors are trying to tell them to do the director stands and SHOWS them) so that they can do that going along with the play and the style of acting such play requires. HOWEVER i have come to another crossroads because when teaching the girls in my group how to act as geishas when i don't know how to do it perfectly they ask me a valid question: "how can you teach me if you don't know?" and i feel the answer is, i don't need to do it so that you can learn HOW to do it, because what i'm teaching these girls is HOW, how do you do it? the techniques involved in the acting of something. in this case geishas. so that i can see, correct and thus improve their overall performance as geishas. so that they are fully aware of the how. there's a difference in just standing there and doing (acting like a geisha) and have them copy me to tell them how to do it, tell them that the knees have to be together, the elbows stuck to your body, etc. and the result is we make them better as, not actors, but as theatre makers, as someone who is fully capable of fulfilling every task required to put on a good play. as someone who can not only perform a geisha role in a kabuki play (wether they suck or not) but more so as someone who can now pass on those techniques and teach someone else (if they have been paying full attention) thus, what we learn throughout the course is extremely useful and NECESSARY for us to be play makers. so i come to the conclusion that everything in theatre is a collective, it's done at least in twos for example: te director and the actor work together, a director can't work alone because then who acts his vision, the actor can do things alone but in a way he she is his her own director, right? and if they do work alone it's because of what i said before, they have been taught the techniques necessary for a long time that's why there is no director in several theatre traditions around the world usually those that are taught since a very young age so that the actors are aware of how to do things so that they do them perfectly. one of the girls asked me if i was qualified to do this, another one asked me how long have i been doing this. this blog comes from that, i've been learning for the past 10 years of my life the HOW, now it's time to improve these actors' hows (this is getting awfully philosophical, or whatever you might call it.) because even though i'm not a super theatre expert i am aware of the knowledge they are currently acquiring, the one i was taught 4 or 5 years ago.

let's talk kabuki.

i am actually very excited about this play because the tradition we chose is a very interesting one, in fact, it's a very visually stunning and stunning-in-every-other-way one. yet there are some aspects of the tradition that I feel could be changed or slightly (evil laugh) altered so that the play turns out to be, well, better or perhaps more enjoyable for the audience because better in what terms? in terms of kabuki, it wouldn't be "better" because we wouldn't follow the tradition as it is, in fact, the fact that we started to learn kabuki less than 6 months ago means we're doomed even before we started because in order for us to follow the kabuki tradition we'd have to go back in time move to a different country and learn since we're fetuses. (ALERT, EMOTIONAL PART) so i feel it is rather unfair to alter some conventions our kabuki expert desires to alter and not mine (end) as i said, theatre is a collective effort and if we are quick to shut down other ideas for our own interest then overall, we all fail. so this helps me in my role as director (everything is connected in theatre, it's like a spider web in which you are trapped until you die and one of your body parts is used as a prop :) ) and the typical "because i said so", up to what point to we work along with others? and at which point to we stop taking ideas and just say "do it because i said so", at what point do we impose our vision for the sake of the play? what if we fail?

AHH!


so far so good, i feel. i do have kids telling me im just like roberto and that they never see me smile. but, they say this when i'm strict mauricio (which is most of the time because the kids are just wild) but i do laugh and joke around with them but it is only so that they are comfortable around me therefore working in a friendly environment, thus happy. allowing them to tap into their full potential because remember, a happy worker is a good worker. (also, i am missing an annie wig when i direct them so i honestly can't find any resemblance) This is where a balance is important, it is always important. i can't be hitler but i can't be a clown with them because they won't take me seriously so where i feel our performance as directors is hindered is in the confidence the actors have with us, that's why being strict works so that they listen and do things better consequentially making the play better. i feel that for the first two rehearsals i was rather power hungry and wanted to yell at them and make sophie cry BUT after strong medication and thinking i came to the conclusion i said earlier, the balance and the happy worker. i find directing rather relaxing, i've been recently encountering some rather annoying stomach pains but when i direct (which would be a stressful situation) it doesn't really hurt that much.

overall i feel we're heading in a good direction, however it might be to soon to tell since we're just barely getting our feet wet. we still have to go through the different aspects of production and design, that i'm rather nervous about, but, good nervous. as far as directing goes, i feel that keeping it professional is key however i am a teenager and interacting with some of the older kids is kind of unavoidable. i am still haunted by the doubt of the how, how are we able to do something out of a different tradition and do it well? how do i direct something if in the theatre tradition we're doing it in doesn't even have a director in the first place? and which way of directing is the best one? where does my role, as director, end, in terms of the roles of my fellow classmates, do i supervise everything? or do i let it run its course? and if so, how do i direct 106 if im just one? this is when it depends on the actor to pay attention to how i direct others so that the common errors they have are corrected by themselves. making my job and theirs easier.